Queen of Procastrination…

‘You may delay, but time will not…’- Benjamin Franklin

I chuckled when the DailyPrompt turned up in my blog feed today, chuckled, then shook my head in mirth. I seem to have spent the last year putting off until tomorrow what I reasonably could have done today. I declare myself the Queen of procrastination, I’ll fight anyone for the title…just not this week.

I’ve been putting off writing my dissertation, my 25,000 word dissertation that’s due in November. I spend most of my day on a computer doing everything else…indulging my inner fangirl with Firefly, catching up on satirical news websites, listening to Pearl Jam albums on Youtube…anything but get on with writing my dissertation.

Why? Because I’ve always worried about being judged. I hate submitting work as then it’s the nail-biting wait to see if it’s good enough. If I’m good enough, I hate that, the self-doubt, the nightmares about a panel of people judging me…casting an disparaging eye over my research and deeming it…inadequate.

Gah…

Here I am blogging again when I should be writing my dissertation. Dammit! Well I won’t tell my supervisors if you don’t.

Written for the Daily Prompt: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/18/daily-prompt-time/

Fit to write…?

‘I see the world, feel the chill,
which way to go…?’-  Release
Pearl Jam

Being fit to write is an interesting concept. How do you assess levels of fitness? Is that a measure of your physical or mental wellbeing, a combination of both? Who decides what the optimum level is, how do we know when we’ve reached that plateau, that zenith of wellbeing that allows to wear the mantle of being ‘fit’?

Michele Foucalt wrote about the ‘History of Madness’ and how people with mental illness are treated, or have been treated throughout history. Foucalt suffered with depression and experienced the mental health system as a patient, thereby he theorised the concept that the medical profession is a form of discourse, a predetermined set of truths that configures people on the side of madness or sanity depending on the ability to reason. Those who were melancholic or depressed had lost the ability to reason therefore their judgement was not to be trusted.

But Foucalt saw madness, the unreasonable self, as an untapped form of creativity; only in truly allowing ourselves to explore the dark struggles of our nature can we struggle to develop something that is brilliant, profound…but above all, closer to the truth than we ever dare imagine.

My point is that we are never ‘fit to write’. We write because we have something to say, and it does not follow that what we say must resonate from an entirely ‘sane’ or ‘reasonable’ premise. Sometimes when we are at our most melancholic, when we feel trapped in a dark well we can’t climb out of, when everything is dark, when we feel all is lost…then when we write we are….raw…honest…brilliant…beautiful.

Post for the Weekly Writing challenge http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/12/writing-challenge-health/