Off to join the circus…

I’ve been a little lost lately, not literally, though sometimes I think that’s easier, being lost physically can be a simple matter of turning the right corner, using a map or asking for directions. No, this sort of lost is the kind where no matter where you go unease follows.

I had always thought academia was my calling, my little niche where the pieces would slot into place and I’d fit in, where all my quirks, the little idiosyncracies could be maintained and managed, perhaps even celebrated. However I’ve come to question even that lately, maybe the academic world is one where I don’t fit in, not really. I’ve come to view it as being a closed off, suffocating sort of place, where progression is slow and riddled with the worst sort of office politics. It’s not what you know, but who you know, glimpsing behind the curtain renders the illusion flawed, the reality of the academic world is one of isolated wariness, where you have to guard your work with all the fierceness of a jealous, irrational lover. Competitiveness is the key in academia; publishing, writing, taking part in a frenzied haste to be prolific, the best, the most read and cited.

But…that’s not me, I’m not competitive, I’m not suspicious of others, I’m…far too nice. Honest. Laid back. Like this cat

I don’t have that drive, I’m ambitious, I want to succeed but not in the sense that I have to step over others to do so. I’d never make a good politician.

I suppose right now, pausing time for a little while will never do, because if I could travel anywhere I’d want to travel everywhere, see everything, take the world and all it has to offer in my own time, in a leisurely pace, a laid back manner, far from competition and politics and scrambling for a place. I’d hop from island to island, country to country, people to place, sights to sounds, aromas and tastes.

I think I’d have lots of fun if I ran away and joined the circus…I’m perfecting my juggling skills just in case.

Written for the Daily Prompt: Travels

I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.